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Write about pain – either physical or emotional. Or
write about how it feels to live without pain.
The pain got sharper with every minute, so sharp that
it affected her ears, she started hearing a constant noise but as if it was
from far away, or as if she was wrapped in a thick blanket. The noise was
distant, but at the same time filling the whole room and was making her unable
to hear anything else. She knew of the only one medicine that treated that
sharp pain. With her hands shaking she filled a syringe with the healing clear
liquid and stuck the sharp needle into her own flesh – something she’d probably
wouldn’t be able to do to anyone else, but herself, being afraid to hurt them,
but with herself she knew that that small pain was nothing compared to what she
experienced, and only this treatment never failed to save her from the agony.
But not this time. The agony began despite the taken medicine – perhaps she missed
the point when the injection would rush quickly to save her muscles from the pain,
or maybe the medicine was too old and lost its power, but the pain continued
being unbearable. She rolled in a tight ball on her bed and thought only one
thought: please, please, have mercy… She was breathing heavily, and cold
sweat was covering her face and body. She did not know how long it took –
one hour? an hour and a half? – for the pain to start losing its grip on her physical
being. Little by little the periods between attacks became longer, until the
pain left the body. Then she just said “thank you” and, completely exhausted,
fell asleep…
There is no quick medicine that helps our soul to heal
when it’s suffering. There is no doctor or emergency to call in a
situation when we feel helpless. Her soul’s agony that began as bewilderment,
slowly grew into disbelief, then denial, until it became obvious that what she
was going through was not only unseen by the one she trusted, but not even
wanted to be seen. That’s when the agony began. Much as with physical pain, it
creeped on her, grabbing her whole soul with an aggressive, merciless hand. It
would tighten the grip to make her feel small, insignificant, invisible and miserable.
It would tighten then even more, until the pain was unbearable, and loosen up
the grip just a little, so she could catch a breath, hearing a deafening
silence around her. Then the agony would grab her soul again, with the full
strength, and again, and again… like an evil roller coaster. Love was the only
medicine she knew could help, and love was the only thing missing. In the heart
exhausted by fear, there was very little place for love, so little that she
started losing its sight. She suffered until one day her body got sick with a
flu and couldn’t shake it off as fast as it usually did. She stayed in bed for
weeks, feeling week and almost numb, not able to talk, to read, to write, not
able to process even one simple thought. After those few weeks of flu that hit
her harder than ever, she woke up one morning feeling completely recovered.
Not only recovered from the flu – but recovered from her soul’s agony too. It
was just like waking up after a nightmare – as if it all was but a dream that
she remembered distantly, a dream that seemed to last too long , but that was
rapidly fading away with day light.
* * *
What sheer emotion with both parts. How close do we feel physical pain until we hurt emotionally and vice versa. Wonderful, sad, then joy.
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ReplyDeletePhysical pain and emotional pain both captured here very vividly in ways that bring back my own pain from the past, reaching out through words to form connections to feelings and memories. Very moving.
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